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Saturday, May 28, 2011

everything made Centrifugal pt. 5

Do you like this serial posting? Well, too bad if you don't. It would be one humongous post if I didn't. I know huge posts are typical for me, but I figured it would be easier this way. I also want you to keep reading my blog because I'm egotistical like that.

Back to the story.

My camp director, Danny, gave me a call the Saturday before my sister's baby shower. I was running around, hanging decorations, getting food, and some other things that I can't really remember. Needless to say, I was in need of a break. I knew the time was getting close to when he'd be calling me, so I stopped everything I was doing and stared at the phone. Not really. I just turned up the volume so I wouldn't miss his call. Are you liking all of this mundane rambling? It will all make sense soon enough.

I don't know if he was watching the clock waiting for it to turn exactly the time he said he call so he could hit send, but that boy called me exactly when he said he would. I appreciated that because I'm that person who's early to everything if I can help it. I probably just invited the Lord to test me on that.

Anyway, we talked for upwards of an hour about camp life, my life, his life, our hearts for missions, and our fears and anxieties about camp. This is his third year working camp but his first as a director and his first year at a Centrifuge camp. (I promise to give you more on the different camps later.) I kept hoping in the back of my head that I wouldn't say something stupid. I'm pretty sure I did, but he didn't let on if I did. I almost always say something stupid in an attempt to break the ice, make someone laugh (which they usually just end up laughing at me), or to cover up how nervous I am. So, there. You know my secret. Please give me grace if I act like a buffoon when I first meet you.

Danny kept reiterating that I have nothing to fear because he felt like God is going to do something huge this summer and that he and the leadership team are here to set us up for success. I'm glad because if they were there to make us fail, I think I would respectfully decline the position. I don't say that with sarcasm because I believe that there are leaders out there who target their teams to belittle them to see them fail. It's a sad truth. I digress.

After talking with him, some of my fears were squelched, but I still had a ton of questions. I had this deep desire to know as much as I could about camp. Let's face it, an introvert working a summer camp isn't exactly an equation people usually write. (Bring on the metaphors, baby!) I think I trapped myself in my introversion and rode on those fears for a while. I oh-so-conveniently forgot about all the work God has done in my life to bring me outside myself. It's easier to retreat. It's exhausting to turn outward. Ask any introvert.

As a staff, we posted about ourselves on our Facebook page, and I kept reading about all these wonderful people. God was reaffirming that these folks and I are connected through His Son. The key to not falling flat on my face is to ask for help and actually allow the others to do that.

But. I couldn't let me fears go. They were comfortable, and I could control them. Deeper still, letting them go meant letting go of my innate pride. I built up my wall of fears and anxieties (despite everyone telling me I'd be great), but that wall came crashing down in one amazing weekend.

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